Thoughts

I reached out to some gurus
Took a step
Was received as arrogant, ignorant and in danger

What am I doing?
Is anything even happening
I’m so tired and bored with this
Movement.
What movement?

I’ve read too many novels.

And joy?
And excitement?
And discovery?
And novelty?

I must be on the wrong path.

And fear
I don’t have it, so perhaps I am arrogant and ignorant
Their warnings fatigue me

There is no one to see me
There is no one to bolster me
There is no one to validate me

Gurus? Teachers? Tribe?

Whatever.
I completely capitulate and give up.

There is no evidence of progress or milestones met or anything at all.

Void empty meaningless pointless pretend
Who knows?
I felt something once.
I saw something once.
Who cares?
No one.

Done. Again. I’ll simply be this Karen and measure my life in coffee spoons. I wanted to be convinced of a Brighter way, but I guess I failed, because sameness and warnings and blah is what I see. There is no magic. There is no vortex and creating your own reality and pulling to you what you desire. I’ll count my blessings and be grateful, but that’s all I can promise now. Oh well.

Nothing to believe. Sigh. Alone. Tired. Defeated. Weary. Chagrined. Ridiculous.

What’s a dreamer, anyway? Nothing special