Jesus Speaks to Me

 Is there such a thing as parent abuse?

Is there a group for that?

A fundraiser?

Does anyone think about raising awareness for this closet-cause?

My children know better and could choose better. They actively choose not to choose.

They go about the world model citizens—winning institutional awards as they play the human game.

Master snow makers—the inventors of smoke and mirrors.

At home, they throw their energy around like detonated handgranades—revelling in their power to cause harm and pain.

You win, I say. I raise the white flag and concede that their energy will always devour mine. The mine-field of our family theirs to arm and detonate. I hate this war. I do not feel like I was made for this, yet here I Am, embroiled in a power struggle that I cannot escape.

What Am I here to learn?

Where is the lesson in this brutal play?

I really want to know.

I desire so much to see this clearly.

I would clear this for the collective if I could.

Heal this if I Am able.

I cannot choose for anyone but myself.

What can I choose to make this dynamic new?

The fighting

The body shaming

The physical violence

The role of victim

The closed-minded mentality

The volume of voice

The angry, ugly words

I don’t know what to do. I Am at a loss. I have not courted this. I have not fostered this. I do not feel as if I Am to blame for this.

Is that the problem? That I do not accept this as my fault? My sin?

I know and understand that I avoid confrontation to keep my own self safe, and that I try very hard to achieve peace and harmony for my own benefit.

This penchant persists in my parenting.

How to heal? What to shine light upon? What action to take? 

I Am abused by my children. They abuse me. Where is my social worker? Where is my adult advocate? 

Jesus, we abused you. We, your children, place you upon a cross. And while abandoned and alone, you asked why you were forsaken, and in the same moment, begged forgiveness for us, claiming we did not know what we did.

And if, as I have come to believe, we are all living a unique and personal aspect of the resurrection, what Am I to call out in this moment? How can I set us all free? What wisdom can be found in this circumstance? 

I do not deserve this, but what of it?

None of us deserve any one thing, deemed good or bad by faulty human logic.

The human would tell me, “This is no-thing. How dare you equate family squabbles with true pain and horror-filled humanity?” I say it is this faulty thinking that has kept us chained to victimhood and little progress. 

Beseech Beseech Beseech the wisdom holders! How to move up the stair? This does matter. This is integral. I will not be ashamed of desiring this hurt to heal, as if it is low on the hierarchy of what deserves or warrants grace! Lies! When grace is unasked because the seeker feels it is not warranted, something that is deemed warranted is sure to be born! Is that what we want? Greater hardships and hurts that make us feel worthy of the right to court the miracle???

No! I say No! On behalf of the Totality of the Now I say that each and every hurt deserves Healing Light and Love. There is no-thing exempt! 

Jesus did not court the cross! He did not relish death. He felt forsaken. Our Jesus experienced separateness and humanness and lack of grace as he hung on the cross. He didn’t hate his oppressors, but he also didn’t say he deserved the punishment. 

What lesson should I take from this, Friend?

Again, I Am missing a wisdom.

Is it that I too should not stop my oppressors? Have them use me as a tool? I do not want to teach them impotence and shame and unworthiness, which is what the world did with your gift. 

Again I think of the Stump in The Giving Tree, and the Trough, Boat, and Beams of The Three Trees.

Are you satisfied with being a stump, Jesus???

I wept when Lazarus died. I wept, Karen.

Can you guess why?

Because the gift of life on earth has yet to be realized as the power it is. Everything can be changed in this realm, and so little of this power is utitlized. If you want something to be changed, go into your dreams, your little death, and change what is there. You have already done so much, Sweet Karen. You have apologized to someone you found in life deplorable, you have recognized a limiting belief that you chose not to adopt, you have had blind faith that you are safe, loved, cared for and protected, you have declared that you are Light, you have resisted the temptation to indulge in others’ opinions of you, you learned discernment in seeing the Trickster and so very much more that you don’t recall. Karen, you have moved mountains as you bridge the earthly world and the dream realms and you are creating new ways of existing as you weave your thread into the fabric of the worlds. 

It is time for you to know and actively use your power. Be purposeful as you dream a new way into being. Change parenting in your dreams, and see it manifest in your daily life. How do you desire it to look? You are living your best Karen independent of the group, how can that merge into the collective? Can you believe you are the orchestrator of your destiny? 

I brought Lazarus back because I desired to have him in my earthly world. I wanted his presence, so I created that in my reality. You can, and must!, do this too. 

Thank you for seeing me as I Am, Karen. Thank you for having the courage to embrace the man in me, to unleash the God in you. That is all I ever have desired, for us all to be reunited in the One that we are, Whole in Love, and not separate in a false hierarchy of human construction.

Exit and Exist in your dreams. Refashion and renew the fabric of the world. This is your gift, your destiny, and your price that you too willingly pay for the resurrection of the One that Is.

Go now in peace to love and serve the Lord.

It is done.

So mote it be

And so it is.