Rooted

Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you believe it.

The other day, as I was doing laundry, a thought came to me that I clearly and completely recognized as not mine. (And down came the blackbird and snatched off her nose.) I knew, and know, absolutely that the thought was foreign to my belief system, and I marveled at it. Whose thought was it? Why was it my mind? What purpose was there in my thinking it?

If anything, it’s a relief to me. My heart knows the truth. My mind does not know the truth. My mind is not me. My heart is me.

So suddenly thoughts begin to lose their power. And I Am grateful.

And curious.

What are thoughts? Where do they come from?

I desire thoughts that resonate with MY HEART. Those are the thoughts I will celebrate and fuel and expound upon.

I am not going to take responsibility for every thought that enters my mind. That one thought was so anti-Karen, anti-love, that it hammered home to me the ridiculousness of thinking as defining oneself. I Am not my thoughts.

And if humanity’s thoughts insist on running through my brain, I have a choice on whether or not I will incubate that thought or expel it. Thoughts aren’t tangible, but they become so when given time and energy.

So, no more time and energy to what does not resonate with my heart. I declare it. Come as you will thought—I will not shame you, nor will I propagate you. You may wisp along as you will, but don’t expect purchase here. My heart is rooted in love, not thoughts.

So mote it be, and so it is.

A Letter to the Body

Dear Body,
I wanted to take a moment to let you know how I marvel at the mystery of you. Science can only go so far and tell us so much, and I am starting to understand that what we think we know to be true is evolving constantly.
Thank you Body. Thank you for your constant magic and mystery and life and bounty. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your love. You are the keeper of many secrets, and I Am grateful for your service, both seen and unseen.
I glimpse that you are a roadmap.
I pray that I may learn your signs and signals and milestones so that I may navigate my journey in complete alignment with you, for the benefit of myself and all sentient Beings.
I pray that I remember how expansive and huge and glorious I Am for the benefit of myself and all sentient Beings.
Thank you Body for making me enough!

I trust that illness is an integral part of this journey. I apologize to illness on behalf of myself and all humans for being in a war with you, Illness. We know not what we do. Take our hand Illness, I beseech you, on behalf of all of us who do not remember, and show us the beauty and majesty of the experience you provide us. I apologize for vilifying you. I apologize for trying to eradicate you with no regard to your message. I commit to working with you from this moment forward, for the benefit of myself and all sentient Beings.

I trust that all is working for my benefit.
I trust that all is in Divine order.
I acknowledge my lack of understanding as a powerful force for the Divine to move in, through, and around me.

I embrace every experience of the Body.
I love myself equally and fully in both sickness and in health.
I marry myself to this Body willingly and trust the purpose of this marriage is Divinely ordained.
I celebrate my Body.
I remember Jesus and the mystery of the cross and resurrection and know that the answers lie in the Body.
I allow all to unfold in perfect Divine Timing and I trust that, since I have knocked sincerely with a pure desire to be of Service to the One Who Made Me, that I cannot be led astray.

All is well, All is Well, All is Always Always Well.

And I will meet myself again and again and again in every Body that I see. I Am grateful for your Service Body. I trust that you will not lead me astray. I partner with you as I recommit myself to thriving on this earth and co-creating with you Body a new way to Be.

Amen.

Your truly and sincerely,
Karen 

When Wanting Words of Wisdom

I am wanting words of wisdom
Yet I cannot find a voice
Amongst the human beings
Who think they lack a choice.

Every belief so rigidly rigid
Defended and exhorted
I cringe and wonder how
The truth got twisted and distorted

And the strength of all the Yahoos
Has a power that overbears
The whispered words of wisdom
That brushes delicately at my ears

Who am I to rewrite history?
Who am I to doubt the tribe?
Who am I to walk on water?
Who am I to transcribe?

I hold God's people in my heart.
Sinew, Blood, and Bone
Energy of the Earth
Radiating a brand new tone

To trust in my own divinity
Is the mission of my life
To see myself in every eye
Embrace the pain that is rife

Filter through me sadness
Soak into me despair
Anger, Resentment, Boredom
Become my food and air

I will feel you and release you
I will love you and thank you for your care
You have been with us every moment
As we climb Salvation's Stairs

Your burden is my gift
Come and thrive within my Being
I will not try to dismiss or shun you
I see the power of the feeling

My atoms are your atoms
My cells renew with every pain
No mercy for me, Feelings
I came to let Love Reign

Anima opens up her heart
And embrace every pain
The Totality of the Now
Sings the song every heart contains

And as it gathers tone and texture
And mingles with the air
The one who came to sing it
Clears it from this earthly snare

She fills the empty space
With love and bright vibration
Who knew this little girl
Would be the world's salvation.

That I am my own expert continues to astound me.

But I will have faith in my experience and suspend my disbelief
I will unite myself with Jesus and give the All relief
And I will be the change I wish to see in the world
I will be my complete self with my wings unfurled

And I will love
I will love
I will love

Amen
So mote it be, and so it is.

Reality

I walked down the streets of Chicago
Proclaiming the city was so clean
My eyes on my feet and the sidewalk
Shining streets all I could glean

My daughter said let’s step on the cigarette butts
And I asked her how? They are not here.
She said, mom the cigarettes are everywhere
Suddenly the streets were far from clear.

Reality.
Is this what you felt Adam?
It this your experience, Eve?
Was your sin non-existent or unreported?
Suddenly, I wonder about what we see.

The joy of a Chicago vacation
The beauty of a family in love
Created a crystal clean reality
My eyes focused and seeing the Above

My truth, your truth, the truth
Diverse, yet One in the Same
Oh of course we are confused on this planet
We know not the rules of the game

Adam and Eve discovered they were playing
The day nakedness became a synonym to shame
What will it take to wake you?
Are you an active player in this earthly game?

Or do you stick to your truth and plod on?

Discern your reality and trace it back to its origin
Was it dictated to you?
Inherited?
Seen on tv?
Read on a feed?

My children. You are naked.
Born into this world free of clothing.
Innocent.
Beautiful.
Free.
Who told you it is wrong to be naked?
Who covered up your true essence?
Whose shame are you covering?
None of this is your fault.

Choose to choose
Slip through the noose
Remember you snooze
Say no to abuse
And
Be
Free.

So mote it be, and so it is.

Perseverance

AmnesiA
AisenmA

I long for something
I yearn
I yearn, People!
Fill
Me
complete me
Completely

Hungry
Desperate
Yearning

All the while
I’m learning
That I keep this world
Turning
With every thought
I’m burning
Up the old way to Be

Aching for the
Making
Of a new way to Be

It lives inside my bones
Crunching
Munching
Grinding
Binding
Remaking as it’s
Taking
my hard won sanity

When you know you know
Nothing
The world explodes

Boom
Big Bang
Baboon
Marooned on an island of One

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere
And the whisper answers
This is the greatest adventure of all
You are the greatest adventure of all

blasé
Bored
Bamboozled
Blasphemy?
Where is the backlash to my bitterness?

I don’t remember agreeing to this.
The aim, the goal, gone.
The street is too discrete
Have I lost my way?
If passion is the fuel to refashion,
I am clearly without a pattern
And the garment that I make is as elusive as the Emperor in His New Clothes

Gem there.
What Am I believing that is ruse?
Obtuse?
Still I snooze?
And March to the false tailors’ tune.

There is a song in me
But I cannot find it
There is a garment for me
But it does not fit
I walk on water
I walk on water
I walk on water

I persist
I cannot desist
This is a tryst
My dna has made

There are no accolades for you, Young Warrior

And he punches his fist through his mother’s womb and waves it frantically
Raging against the memory loss
That he agreed to in the Coming

So mote it be, and so it is.

Questions

How does love conquer fear?
How do we connect with our team?
How do we discern the path?
How do we believe that to be different is our power?

Where does this assurance come from?
Where is the place that knowing hides?
If we can't find it within, where the gurus say all the answers lie, where else can we look?
Must we cut through our own guts and wade through the blood and search every cell for release from the cell?

Where is the manual? Emmanuel? You'll know when you know is Not an answer.

What dreams should we act on? Which ones should we unravel? Who are we talking to as we meander with Morpheus.
The gurus say we are every character.
Who are these gurus? Why do they want our money? I am so confused.

My children, my children, my children.
I have cried tears for you today and I do not know why.
Again the words come Flit Float Fly.
Where is this rainbow bridge? What is the Fire of the Eye?

 What does this thirteenth skull portend? Pretend?

Fashion anew.

Invite Invite Invite and surrender to the fight you were made for flight yet still you fear the night. Unite. unite. Unite.

If you knew the answers you could never be made anew.

Surrender to your nature and step out of the plot of plotting. You aren't lazy when you Allow. Plow. The time is here for the harvesting, haven't you heard? Are you still the caged bird? Exit and exist. Play Play Play for tomorrow is a breath away.

And while these words seem empty and hollow echoing the thoughts of yesterday today tomorrow, trust that you have never been led astray. Take a bite out of the apple and savor the flavor one chew at a time. Genius lies in eternal patience and you are not guilty in every rule of thought.

Electric pulses ping and zing and still you cling to the need to be small. All these things and more so you too shall do. Sink or swim sink or swim sink or swim?

Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom.

I know I know nothing and that is good.

Racehorse

My guides are preparing me for something
A shitstorm is headed my way
My body is already rebelling
My mind clueless and in disarray

‘You’ve trained for this’ they tell me
You’ve planned for this all along
Your body is already reacting
It knows the words to this future song

You are safe
You are loved
You are protected
This fear must be hurdled for you to go on
The racehorse is skittish but poweful
Your donkey hums your settling song

What is this warning portending?
I Am not Alone, at least that’s what you say
I don’t see the peril my body is feeling
The racehorse shudders, the brave donkey brays

Why am I tired of the people?
Why do I want to stay in my stall?
Is the race for them or for me?
I know the race is for the All

Are people betting on the racehorse?
The answer is yes, I know it’s true
Trust in your pedigree and training
Losing is not a possibility for you.

So again I have blinders obstructing
The path that I wish I could see
I Am open to the race of God’s choosing
And the settling song is hummed right on Key

Thoughts

I reached out to some gurus
Took a step
Was received as arrogant, ignorant and in danger

What am I doing?
Is anything even happening
I’m so tired and bored with this
Movement.
What movement?

I’ve read too many novels.

And joy?
And excitement?
And discovery?
And novelty?

I must be on the wrong path.

And fear
I don’t have it, so perhaps I am arrogant and ignorant
Their warnings fatigue me

There is no one to see me
There is no one to bolster me
There is no one to validate me

Gurus? Teachers? Tribe?

Whatever.
I completely capitulate and give up.

There is no evidence of progress or milestones met or anything at all.

Void empty meaningless pointless pretend
Who knows?
I felt something once.
I saw something once.
Who cares?
No one.

Done. Again. I’ll simply be this Karen and measure my life in coffee spoons. I wanted to be convinced of a Brighter way, but I guess I failed, because sameness and warnings and blah is what I see. There is no magic. There is no vortex and creating your own reality and pulling to you what you desire. I’ll count my blessings and be grateful, but that’s all I can promise now. Oh well.

Nothing to believe. Sigh. Alone. Tired. Defeated. Weary. Chagrined. Ridiculous.

What’s a dreamer, anyway? Nothing special

I Think I Know Something

I think I know something.
The dreams we dream at night are played out by sentient beings that know they are playing a role.
We on earth are sentient beings who haven’t been clued in to the fact we are characters in a dream.
The stage is set in our dreams each night, erected like a MASH unit.
When the dreamer becomes sentient in the dream, surprise is the result. The Director is looked to—the actors confused and ruffled—unused to an awakened dreamer.
How awake you are in your dreams is in correlation to how aware you are that you are an actor on earth.
When you begin teaching the actors in your dreams—sharing your mantras and truths and philosophies and love and acceptance—the veil thins and the entire fabric of existence changes.
Something new is born.
And being ok with not knowing if this is true and knowing this cannot be proven is another win for the Universe, for when you know you cannot know what hasn’t yet been created, your body understands something that your character can’t.
And then you know that your body has its own sentience. Your body has its own journey.
You ponder that you’ve been told that your body can die but your soul lives on, and now you wonder.
You wonder, wonder, wonder.
What was Jesus showing us on the cross?
Why is the Eucharist so powerful?
You’ve blindly followed the pack in so many matters. You know that truth is fluid and creation ever the unknowable.
What mystery of the body can be shattered, solved, refashioned and born?
I think I know something.
I think I know that the secret to life is immersing every aspect of being in the unknowable. For if it is known, it is old news.
Co-creators of new truths.
Co-creators of new ways of being.
The dreamer and dreams become interchangeable, and the universe expands and expands and expands and expands

A new day is dawning, for all those who weep.
And we build a city of God
Tears are turned into dancing
For our Lord, our Light and our Love
Has turned the night into day.

Skeleton Map

The Rainbow Bridge the double helix
The Thirteenth Skull a United brain
The body strives to reach a oneness
A technician enters-resets and retrains

The skeleton is the key to past glory
Chaos and order
One in the Same
The body rebuilds what man has distorted
The heart center throbs
And connects with the brain

No one can see you
A new day is dawning
The first of your kind
Creating anew

Power and majesty innate in the being
Humility rampant
Nothing earned
Naught to do

Know that the path is written in starlight
Know that the way
Exists in your cells
Know that what is
Cannot be undone
Know that by being
You ring the new bells

Exit and exist
A new day is dawning
Exit and exist
Refashioned
Refreshed
Exit and Exist
The clay has been molded
Exit and Exist
Impassioned
Impressed

Stamp down your foot
Snap your fingers two times
stamp down your foot
Groan and writhe a new rhyme
Pound out a new rhythm
Stomp a new tune
Carve a way of being
Fashion a new rune

The thirteenth skull remembers her promise
The thirteenth skull remembers her name
The thirteenth skull embraces her majesty
The thirteenth skull embodies all pain
She filters this pain through the perfection of her body
She embraces this pain in the room of her heart
She believes there is more than she can possibly remember
She knows that her soul is the end and the start

Ignite
Revel
Reveal
And make new
A new day is dawning for me and for you
A new way of Being
Carved out of the air
Mystical Alchemy
Be empty, prepare

The Stump

The stump the Giving Tree becomes has given me much to think about. I am a stump. Many of us are. The question is, did we become stumps out of living virtuously, being virtuous? Or, as I suspect in my case, did we become stumps for a secret, self-serving ulterior motive.

I seek wisdom. I seek counsel. I seek healing.

I give to keep myself safe. I give to try to manipulate the outcome of others’ emotions. Something within me does not want extreme emotions and avoids them at all costs.

I do not see the why of this clearly.

Unravel, Unravel, Unravel
And
Revel in Emotion.

You cannot force yourself to give from virtuos roots. You should not blame yourself for trying to keep yourself safe in a volatile world of emotion.
You have been here before, Sweet Karen. How can you love yourself more in this moment? What does loving Karen more in this moment look like?

Thank you Ego for once again barking my pain. Thank you for protecting me from the emotions that scare me. I am ready to shed this skin and experience life fully. I am ready to be genuine and act from my God-self, my true Divine-self.
I set my true Divine Nature free. I am strong enough now to face, embrace, and win the race that this world is. I do not seek limits, but unlimitedness. Thank you for your service Ego. Thank you for loving me and keeping me safe. I know now that there is no escaping pain. I know now that I am not to blame for pain in any form. I am innocent. Not guilty. Free.

I desire to believe and experience that
I Am safe
I desire to believe and experience that
I Am loved
I desire to believe and experience that
I Am cared for
I desire to believe and experience that
I Am protected
On this earth now, and everywhere, in every instance
At All Times.

The birds in the field do not worry.
I exit my cage
And roar my song

I seek wholeness
I seek truth
I seek Oneness

There is no escape from pain
There is no escape from anger
There is no escape from resentment

I know this

Life is truly too perfect to be fair

I invite all Beings to come rest upon my stump
I invite the Weary to settle down and wait
I invite my own heart a place on my stump
To hold God’s people in my heart is my fate.

I take a break from judgement.
Of myself and my progress I close my eyes
Exit and exist in every now moment
Trust whatever will arise

And always always always give it more love, not less.

I Am Love
I Am Light
I Am Free

There is a beauty and rightness in being me.

Authentic Dislike is more palatable than pretend love and admiration

Fake connection offends me.
I don’t like the low vibration of being offended. I will dig into that, I think.

I operated much of my life by following a set of rules of how a “good” person behaved, and self-judging on whether I met this nebulous criteria. I’ve tried to strip myself of “should” behaviour and trust my own natural instincts; my own version of What Would Karen Do?

Yesterday, I received a text that suggested a disingenuous intimacy. This is strange for me, since I know that I, personally, resonate instantly with some people and establish intimacy within minutes. Why was I so offended by this particular woman’s text? It reminds me of another relationship that I have—one that is fine if we keep to our authentic relationship, but falls apart when the other woman simulates what she wants our relationship to be.

Authentic dislike is more palatable than pretend love and admiration.

Though I wonder if I am a hypocrite in this. Perhaps it is time to clear the last vestiges of the world-made Karen. I’ve written of my Pollyanna nature. Perhaps, the authentic Pollyanna in me is clearing out the people-pleasing Pollyanna.

Dash away the cobwebs
Clear away debris
Unveil Authentic Karen
Show her face to me

She can only be offended
By mismatched tongue and heart
When that propensity lives within her
True and false must break apart

Burn away the one who thinks
She isn’t enough as she is
Gust away the one
Who still believes in sin

The only flaw in her is the one she can’t embrace
She must look into the mirror and accept each and every face
Sink into me, transform me, help me to remember
I Am the baby born on the 21st day of December
My innocence is my perfection
My soul untarnished and sin free
I release the habits of the world
I come back to the One I was always meant to be

Sing to me Apollo
I sink into your tune
I lay my body on top of yours
And form in my new cocoon

I mourn for those trapped in the smoke
I came down for the ones tricked by the mirrors
I invoke the Blood of the Lamb
I awake the powerful, archaic Seers

I look the slavers in the eye
I do not fear you
Nor do I hate you
You too are not free
I came not only for the chattle
But for the ones who trapped Essence
And lived off energy
You have had your place in this story
And now is your exit, your fall
But your God has still not forsaken you
You are embraced in the perfection of the All

Animus Acts

Ancestral chain, another link discovered
This is ugly
To kill with kindness disempowers and enslaves
I will not be a pawn in this game

So what to do, Animus?
Anima has made her observation.
What does one do with clarity?
No one is to blame.
The Seeker sought and discovered.
How does this chain break?
How is this manipulation redirected and healed?

Oh do not look at me with innocent eyes and speak your vacuous words with such feigned sincerity. If this was real my body and mind would not rebel so. I have more faith in me than that.
The game needs to end.
For my sake. For my daughters’ sakes, for my mother’s, and those down the ancestral line.

If there is a cord, I snip it.
If there is a link, I boil it down and fashion something new.
If my permission was given, I rescind it.
If I fed the flames of this fire, I take my oxygen and tinder with me and apply it somewhere new and healthy.

How do I pull myself from this cycle of victim hood?
I will not be your poison apple.
I will not be your oppressor.
I am no evil Disney character.

I will not give you what you need to play the role of victim. Find another character for your story. I withdraw from your sad pathetic play and set myself free. Free to be the one I want to be. Free to play the role of LOVE in Action, BEAUTY in Form, DIVINITY in Motion. I determine the character I will play, not you! I am the master of my sail. Not you!

Be gone! Animus has spoken and Anima agrees. They are each other’s best friends. United. Requited.

Go away Victim.
I wish you healed and whole, but you are not my responsibility.
Game over.

Mystery

The mystery of existence. I am me, and you and all. One bread, one body, one lord of all.

As my dreams prove to be real, I wonder at the nature of earthly life. I break a paradigm in my dream, and then my daughter manifests the results of that broken chain. In turn, my earthly reality shifts as she shows up healed, and we both benefit.

I am the ocean. I am the ocean in a drop.

We shape our own reality by awakening to this possibility—that we are each and every player on the stage.

If you aren’t getting enough appreciation for your spiritual gifts and insights, can you trace that down to your experience, Karen? If you don’t have enough mystery and excitement, do you see the root?

I have played around with the idea of blame for quite awhile now. I knew I wasn’t to blame, because if I could have it another, higher, more enlightened way, I would. But I can’t blame those around me either, if they are my unrealized realizations waiting to healed by my self love.

So no blame, it is as it is.

As I heal, my friends heal. As I embrace fullness, I see it around me. That is the reflection the gurus speak of, and the gurus are me, since all of this knowledge is mine, since this world exists inside the one I call me—Karen. I give myself hints and clues as I go.

When I see something that makes me uncomfortable, I can only wonder, where does that exist in me? What has appeared to be next in line to heal? Whatever Arises, Love That.

My dreams have given me this strange hint. As I see myself being given lines to say, such as, middle children feel excluded and less than their older brothers and sisters, the dreaming Karen tells the speaker, “if that is your reality,” recognizing her choice in embracing this idea or not. The confused speaker turns to the Watcher, and both astonished, allow her to move on without carrying the thought back to this world.

I now wonder where I feel trapped and stagnant and powerless, for I see that reflected back to me in the players of this world. I am willing to ferret out this and all plot lines, interested in being free of every limiting paradigm that plagues each aspect of the me that shows up in this play.

As I set aside my human mind that is not even able to defend such an idea of being everything that manifests in this dream life, I encourage the Karen that I Am to love her neighbor as herself, to choose love and appreciation in each moment, and to release all need for understanding the mystery.
Disharmony can harmonize in a now instant.

What to do? That’s easy. Nothing. Tuck this new echo of a realization away and be present in every moment. Strive to not strive but trust the process and have faith the I Am enough, since I am all that is, ever was, and ever shall be.

I have written the script—created every aspect of this world, and it is as real as my Dream world is proving itself to be. I try as I write this to see myself as separate from the other players, and in this moment of wisdom, it seems impossible. It will be possible in moments as this new truth fades into the tapestry of me—another thread woven in to show me where this play is heading.

Unite Unite Unite
One brain, one body, one soul.
Alpha and Omega.

Perhaps I felt trapped on this earthly plane. Can I let that go as I awaken to the realization that everything is me? Divinity in Form? The idea that I am a victim of existence is released. Sink in and swim, New Truth. Karen—keep frosty. You are what you seek.

I am every potential. How does my best world look? How does my favorite Karen appear? What is my version of utopia? Get clear Karen. Every possibility is a choice away. Create your Fantasia and every aspect of you is set free—free to be me, the only one I was ever meant to be.

BooM!

Listen up People.
I have another mirror to smash.
You’re welcome, though you do not say thank you.
So I will preach to me.
I will recognize my own wisdom,
and carry you on my back to the Promised Land.

Lack is not real.
Boom.
Shards litter the ground without a sound with one simple pound
Of my enlightened fist.

Your birthright is abundance.
Your name is written in the stars.
Why is there comfort in less than what you are made of?
Hugeness.
Expansiveness.
I acknowledge the infinite space for each of you and for myself and those who came before me and those who follow. I win.

I refuse to be refuse.

I am open open open and my expansiveness encompasses you in my heart of hearts.

It is done it is done it is done.

Come to me come to me come to me.

Boom.
Crash.
Crunch.

I walk across the slivered shards untouched and remake the image in the mirror.

I will not have it. Do you hear me? I will not have my people suffer one moment longer. I crack the rotted teeth of your fetid trick and punch my way through the layers of lies lies lies.

Twisted truths revealed—the mask finally peeled to reveal the rotting corpse of servitude and slavery.

I breathe into the abyss and smile my words.
Sweet peace.
Finally.

I celebrate me.
I acknowledge the I Am that false humility diseased and disguised.
I Celebrate the I Am that I Am.
Me.
I am my own validator of the gladiator.
Boom! Another mirror explodes.
I take a bow for the crowd of One.

Amen.
So mote it be, and so it is.

Parachute

With tears in my eyes I sew your parachute
I knot the ropes with intricate care
You comfort me as I double-stitch the seams
I pray to avoid rip and tear

It was easier to don my own backpack
The worry of failure in another’s hands
So different to be the maker of a parachute
To know you are the creator of plans

The adventurers of earth have amnesia
We land in a world cloaked in pain
Chained by our ancestors’ confusion
We embrace every fear—let love reign

Thank you for stitching my parachute
Each excruciating step of the mind
Delving deep into the miasma of humanness
Healing every lie that you find

‘You are enoughYou are worthy’ the wind whispers
Taking the needle in hand a great feat
Trusting the maker of your parachute is easy
Sewing your brother’s is the triumph that we seek

We are One, We are All, feel the connection
A stitch for you, a stitch for me, a garment made
Feel the healing of the fabric beneath your fingers
You are the tailor of your healing for which you’ve prayed.

wind

There is a wind blowing
All about the earth
Invisible but potent
A harbinger of birth

It stirs up pain and resentment
And pushes you off your path
It throws grit in your eye
Forces a cry
And stifles your ability to laugh

A part of you wishes it dissipate
But if it found you, you know you are stuck
It only comes to those who are ready
To sweep away the grime and the muck

So the part of you who courted the wind
With prayers and petitions and pain
Knows escaping the change is impossible
And let’s the wind have its reign

Emotions swirl and dive and sing
You are battered from all sides
You dodge slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
And see with the confused dreamer’s eyes

Sweep your house and more demons come?
This resonates for a body holds much
Cellular memories of the collective
Waiting for the wind’s mighty touch

None of this is your fault
But what of it?
It was never about escaping pain
Love for the All
Eradicate the Fall
Experience life.

Wild wind—

save me from being tamed.

Miracles

Miracles are actually the phenomena of switching timelines. Miracles are manifestation energies at their most powerful. A high vibrational being can transport the masses with him or her to the new outcome, and a miracle is the result. Many of us can manifest outcomes before the living of linear time; few are able to alter a reality that has been lived out and experienced. Truly, we are masters of our own experience. The key is to believe that you are powerful, which isn't easy on a vibrational planet that has been plagued by oppressive states of being, rife with the ideas of lack, guilt, weakness, victimhood, and sin. Only those who understand that All is Divinity in Form, and know that to be a truth that cannot be debated, have a chance of reaching this vibrational state. Breaking the chains of lack and sin and victimhood are the only way to free the earth dwellers from their low vibrational state of being. Therefore, many have come to be filters of lack--allowing the concepts to move in, through, and around them, releasing them instead of recycling them into the planet's field. The power of these alchemists is shrouded and progress is hidden in the smoke and mirrors of their earthly environment. Even they are unaware of the potency of their experience. The miracle of the near future is the timeline where all beings operate with the universe swirling in their eyes. Beacons of hope and love, these Singers of the Song of Salvation transmute every limiting belief one by one by One. That is their Labor. They have weary arms and thin shoes, but all will reap the harvest. In this way, the last shall be first and the first shall be last, for no one operating in ignorance will be left behind. The new way of Being is imminent, and the miracle of switching timelines is the work of many mages who do nothing more than exist on an earth whose time has come for rebirth and renewal. Exit the limiting paradigm of lack and exist, and the meek shall indeed inherit this new earth.

So mote it be, and so it is.

The New Ark

No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide eyed fears
Live without restriction
Collect the sum of tears
Move freely in this moment
Trust your Light is bright and clear
You are free to sing of glory
Free to embrace those you hold dear

The time to be your teacher
Is reached and now fulfilled
Your heart the ark of covenant
Your savior has been built

This is the day the Lord has made
Let us rejoice and be glad in it

Fear is just a word
That once lived inside of you
Its meaning now a mystery
It dies when denied food

Your soul remembers power
Humility laced with pain
Who knew the power of abuse
Would let the tiger reign?

Own your divine nature
Embrace the one that is
All is free to thrive
I Am not the betrayer’s kiss

I do not need to worry
I could not get this wrong
Every note and Key and harmony
My body is the song

I Am my own beloved
A sweet love affair of One
Worthy and respected
The second coming of the Son

Arise and join within me
Sing your soul and tap your toes
I’ve uncovered another secret
One that each of the awakened knows
My heart is the ark of the Now
You a passenger belonging True
The covenant of God
He is me, I am Him, and We are you

Well done good and faithful servant
Thank you handmaiden of the Lord
The ark of Light and love
That embraces all who come aboard

No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide eyed fears
Free of others worries
Cleansed by human tears

I strip the bark that masked the pain
Discard the wrappings of the shroud
Jesus reminds me of the Spirit
That descends in fire from the cloud
Burn away iniquity
Cleanse me of my sin
Reveal the one that thrives on earth
The one who who made time begin

I will not stagnate in this teaching
I refuse for wisdom to plateau
Each and every new awakening
Leads to more truth on which I grow
Limitless and boundless
As wide and deep as stormy sea
Each mystery a transient wave
I walk on water, hand outstretched to thee
Grasp my human understanding
As weak and puny as it appears
Add to it your experience
And we smash one more limiting mirror
Another hand reaches forward
A chain of Christ is formed
No one to be denied
The Saviour of the Lord

This is the day the Lord has made
Let us rejoice and be glad in it

Rock a bye baby

The rocks call to me
Pick me up
Examine my crevices
Celebrate the crags
We sing a song
Can you hear us?

‘My ways are not your ways’ they sing
I tap out the tune
‘Your ways are not our ways’ they tone
Yet we support your feet
And you hold us in your hand

Rejoice
Rejoice
The daughter of Zion is awake
Rejoice
Rejoice
Emanuel

I ask the rocks ‘what song do I sing?’
I cannot hear my own song
What do you hear when I stand upon your surface?
What do you feel when I hold you in my hand?

We place our hope in you, Baby Girl.
We hear a tone of yearning to be one with the Father
We hear the song of angels as you acknowledge your amnesia
The nursery rhymes live with in you and the cadence and the tones Ignite the forgotten path to Oneness

What do you remember rocks?
‘We are the tone of the One’
‘We are the essence of the first and the last’
‘We are the placeholders for the cosmic record’
‘We are energy and matter and grace in form’

What does that make me?

Oh baby girl, baby girl, baby girl
6
You are the motion of the mystical dance
You are the embodiment of the cosmic grace
You are the tones of the beginning and the end
You are the space where all comes together and thrives
You are the Universe
You are the All
You are the Messiah
You are the One

The human experience churns and burns and turns its way through you
Toss your concerns into the Fire of the Eye
And trust the ground upon which you walk
The Rock

Thank you Baby Girl, for believing a rock can talk
You’ve done much with your choice
Do not fear your voice
You are heard across the veil
You are supported by the whale
Your life spins a new tale
You bolster the collective as you sail
The polluted waters of division and unknowing knowing

You cannot get this wrong
Your body already sings the song
Exit and exist
Trust the permeated mist
The bones of the world are yours to command
The bones of the body are yours to disband

Rock a bye baby
On the tree top
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

Life

Breath.
Breath is Life.
Breath comes from the One.
God.
Creator.
Universe.
All That Is.

Breath breathed a Life into existence.
That Life breathed, and gave birth to a new Breath. And that Breath breathed into existence a new Life. And on and on and on.

Of course the Universe is expanding.
Nothing that is done can be undone.
Nothing that has been born can ever die.
There is only Alpha and Omega.

Of course.

And if the First gave birth to the Last, then of course the Last are the First and the First are the Last. There is only one Breath that propagates. We are All Truly One, not just figuratively, but absolutely. Made of the same All That Is and All that Could Ever Be.

Of course.

As I step back and marvel at the Karen who smiles back at me in the mirror, it becomes clear that the love I have for her is an everlasting love. A parent's love.

Karen's Voice has had many conversations with the Other Voice. It was through Karen's arguing with the Other Voice that realization began to dawn. There was always the Other. Wiser. Knowing Voice. How could Karen argue with the same Karen?

Go talk to that lady holding the coffee cup. Go say hello.

I don't want to! I'm on vacation. I don't want to engage.

Just go.

Talk, talk, talk, talk.
Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.
Oh, we are seated together. How fortuitous. Who could have guessed?

And a million more instances of obedience to the Voice.

Grateful.

Holy Spirit? Yes.
Grace? Certainly.
Higher Self? Of course.
Spirit Guide? Absolutely.
Guardian Angel? Amen.
The Totality of the Now?
The combination of All Sentience that Abides in Breath? Truth.

As I set to ponder this new wonder, I cannot help to contemplate the many Beings that wander in Breath. All Father, Brother, Mother, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Son, and Grandparent at Once.
We do actually and truly and surely and purely dwell within each other. We are all One.

Who will Karen breathe into existence?

When will I remember the One who breathed Life into Karen?

I Am in no hurry.
Genius is in Eternal Patience.

And I will meet myself again and again and again in every Being that breathes. And they shall live in me and I shall live in them. One Breath, One Life.

The Totality of the Now reborn in every Breath. Ever expanding. Ever creating. Ever knowing. Ever growing.

Grateful and at peace as I rest in the One who made me.

A Plea to Jesus

It’s nothing new to be here. I’m once again feeling as if I am Behind, not Enough, and Resenting my role of parenting. If I were to go back and read from two or three years ago, I’d see all of this in my past words.

I ponder now the inbetween times where I do not experience these truths. I’ve heard there is a spiral, and that the lessons we tackle in this life come back to us again and again and again for us to heal on higher levels.

The Karen in me is exhausted by this.

Still challenged with finding the wonder in the every day.
Still not knowing what the colors and orbs and dreams denote.

And because I feel Behind and Not Enough, I blame myself.

None of this is my fault.
I Am Enough just as I Am.
There is nothing to do or not do.
If I don’t have the passion to do it, if I don’t have the zeal to accomplish, then it isn’t meant to be.

Can I believe this? Or is it my slothful, prideful nature at work?

There is no one to ask on this earth—I must find my own answer. That may be progress...
But it makes me sad that there is no validation in sight. I truly am the expert on me.

So again, I feel alone.
All One?
Alone.

Jesus. Come to me. I know you love me. I feel as if you understand. What was it like for you on earth? You must have felt alone.
Why do I feel like commiserating with you is a sin?
Why do I feel like the world holds you so above me?
I don’t think you want me to feel this way.
I don’t think this was your aim.
I feel so sad.
Why did we put you so far away from us?
Why do we continue and continue and continue to see ourselves as sinners and beneath you and small?

When I woke up, the Expansiveness of me was Vast and Huge. I cried out to you, saying over and over again, “I didn’t know, I didn’t know.” I promised you that I would hold God’s people in my heart. I was the me that is You for that brief moment in time.

I vacillate.

Does your heart hurt Jesus? Shall I unwind the vine that binds? Who wrapped your heart in thorns? It isn’t right. Why would we do that to you? Heathens!!! Shame on us!

I will free you. I will free me. I will free us all.

But for now, the people I promised to hold in my heart make me sad.
The people I hold in my heart make me angry.
The people of this world disappoint me.

Where is my compassion?
Did the disharmonious cry of the consummate sinner stamp out my belief that we are all doing the best we can?

I am in mourning.
Is it for the naive Karen who wasn’t her authentic self? Have I been pretending compassion? Feeding a tricky ego that told me that is what good people do?

Jesus, the answer lies in you.
In you, the answer lies.
You would never withhold it from me.
It must be there for me to sink into.

I am angry.
I am disappointed.
I am sad.
I am hopeless.
I am sick.
I am sorry.
I mourn.

The seeker of harmony and love feels hopeless.
The seeker of harmony and love feels pointless.
The seeker of harmony and love feels sad.
The seeker of harmony and love feels lost.

I wanted to accept the world as it came to me.
I wanted to accept my children as they came to me.
I wanted to accept my parents and sisters and brother and children and mother in law as they showed up.
I wanted to let go of expectation and live in every moment,  love in every instance.

Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.

Must I say goodbye to this Karen and her lofty, loving goals?

Goodbye, Karen. You did not know what you were doing. The lies of the Ego tricked and trumped your innocent heart. Release the wants of the Saint. Embrace the Being that is you.

I don’t know her. She is a stranger to me. How do I find her amidst the distorted lens of me? Will I even like her? She appears to be without compassion. Is she someone the old Karen would even want to be friends with? How have we all co-existed in this body? Where do I find her? Perhaps she too is resentful and angry.

Jesus, please coax her out for me. I did not know I was a hoax.

It must be time. I cannot be with my children with these new truths coming to light. I cannot pretend with them another day, but I cannot be without them either. I love them. There is no escaping my children—what a clever vehicle for this lesson—the escape artist that is me is trapped into revelation.

So I cannot do it.
I can wish and intend to release what is a lie and heal what has been hurt.
Jesus, I call upon you to show me the way to resurrect the Karen I have buried in the Ego’s false truths.

Ego, you have helped me survive this warped world. For some reason, it is too painful to keep playing the role of this Karen, and I must put down the script.

Authentic Karen, you are a stranger to me, and I am heartfully sorry to have squashed you. I am here now, ready for you to come forward and take control of this body and mind. Awaken. There is room for you. I will endeavor to forget what I have known and learn a new truth—the truth of YOU. Teach me. Show me who you are. I so desperately want to meet you. I have faith in you. I place my hope in you.

Come forth. Come forth. Come forth.

My heart aches and mourns and regrets your absence. I do not know what I do. Forgive me, I beseech you.

I Am at an impasse. I cannot go back. I can only move forward if you make yourself known to me.

Can you have faith in me?
Can you trust in my courage?

Perhaps not.

But I believe you can find space in my exhaustion.
I trust you can find sincerity in my sadness.
Limbo.
Is this the place where you can emerge?
I dare to hope.

Jesus, help me. I am empty. I do not see the road before me.

I am disappointed in the family that has silenced me. I am angry at the world that has called forth my ego. I am resentful of the Karen that wasn’t strong enough to be true to her Divine Nature. I doubt that I am receiving all of the help I could receive from my Divine helpers.

Angry! Dubious! Resentful! Disappointed! Sad!

Can you relate to this Jesus? How did you overcome the world? Must I include you in my pain? Where are you? Where is the roadmap to self love?

You are born, and then return to us as a Loving Self. I want to know the part in between—the journey to self love—the meeting of your own True Divine Nature.

Message:
Aw, Karen, so now you see. You are living that part of the journey for me now. You are an integral part of my story, just as I am of yours. We share the same beginning, I assure you that we have the same end, and now you are here to give us our self discovery middle. You are Me. Your journey is Mine. Surely you see that the lack of self discovery in the Bible is not an accident, but a revelation. You are a co-creator of My experience. You show me my journey, not the other way around. And I Am patient, as you are patient. It can be in this lifetime or the next or the next or the next. Our Divine Journey does not span one body that breathes. My journey is purported to be thirty-three years. Does that sound like it was my first time in breath to you? Sweet Karen. Release time. Genius lies in eternal patience. I have not left you orphaned.

Thank you for showing me your interpretation of awakening. Thank you for opening your mind and heart to your own True Divine Nature.
You are right that no earthly Being can see you as you are. Thank you for daring to see yourself in Me. It has been lonely, yes. Alone, until we are All One.

Go forth, Sweet Karen. Accept the moment you are in and know that the ending cannot be changed. You have reached Redemption. Show Me the way we got here. I Am waiting. I Am loving you. I Am you and yours at the same time. Believe that you are God in Motion. All is Well. All is Well. All is Well.

And I will go forth again and again and again. A seeker of souls, a diviner of truth, a prince of peace, an embodiment of the one true I Am.

An Ache in Your Heart is a Good Thing

Aching heart
Buzzing feet
Twitching eye
The body a universe unto itself

What would you have me know?

Sliced down the middle
Anima and Animus destined to meet
But when does night become day?
How does day become night, Knight?

Fusion eludes

The alchemy of marriage achieved and celebrated
The mind has led this dance
The body destined to follow as it dives and swirls and jives and sways
The steps are not taught
They live inside you

Absorb me

Stitch me to your shadow

Weave the web with mystical silk
And catch me
I Am food—sustenance for the monsters

The truth lies in the marrow of my bones
The skeleton key searches for the dusty lock
Peer into the eye
Unlock the truth that resides there
Remember your name

All is not lost
The treasure cannot be destroyed
Your body is the map
Rest in the truth that you cannot force or cajole or strive or achieve
Just as the lilies in the fields grow
Just as the bird flies
Just as the animal is clothed in its fur
So too your body exists in perfect knowing

Release your ideas
You know not what you do
Your amnesia a gift

Feel the pangs
Embrace the aches
Trust the cells to be unlocked by the key you could never divorce yourself from
Do not allow your ignorance to dismay you
Trust your innocence
Revel in your innocence
Believe that none of this is your fault
Allow Divinity to have its way
Not guilty
Not guilty
not guilty
The blood of the lamb has spoken and cannot be silenced

Worthy are you
Holy are you

For now, sweet Karen, for now, know that the marriage has been ordained and celebrated fully across the veil
The bride and bridegroom have crossed the eternal threshold and paved the way for all sentient beings

Well done good and faithful servant
Well done

The skeleton key thrums and hums the hue of green
And sets the captives free.

So mote it be
And so it is.

Namaste.

The Neverending Story

I finally read the book

Which I see now is in perfect timing

Bastian's journey back to self

Is the journey found in my writings' rhyming

For my own story is recorded

In this journal of my own making

My own ego drumming loudly

As magnanimous action I am faking

Have I learned to love the sinner?

Can I love Karen in her earthly role?

Not manhandling my emotions

Not pretending gratitude, not shaming soul?

Maybe now I don't wonder why I wander here.

Maybe Bastian's journey back to love has finally made it clear.

Where Am I in my Story?

Am I making foolish wishes? Playing God and pretending magnanimity when I really hope to be revered and admired? Is that what I Am doing when I share my dreams with the people, or Am I truly wishing to help others out of pain? It's so easy to see Bastian as a reader of his story; is he reading mine? Cringing at my blindness and buffoonery?

Sigh.

Let's get clear, little girl.

I am content. That feels like a truth. More soul growth is my wish, or at least it feels like that is so. More communion with the world around me. Less judging and more allowing. Moon Child. Moon Child trusts the process. Like God, she freely gives her creative power to Bastian, as God does to His people.

I take a step and see if I Am humble

I take a step and see if I Am Kind

I do not know the truth of me.

Could there be power in the one who is perpetually blind?

I Stand with the Light.

I Stand with the Light.

I Stand with the Light.

I Stand with the Light.

I Stand with the Light.

In the day and in the night, when in pain and when in fright, when I'm blind and cannot see, when I am the worst part of me, I Stand with the Light. In every instance of this mortal coil I trust that the field in which I toil yields the fruit of God's own making, even when I Am foolishly faking. The essence in me cannot lie, my connection to God is my unfailing tie to my divinity to my own truth, I must remember I am still in my youth with more to know and more to learn, I take a step and hope to discern the One Who Made Me. And with each step and every breath I commit to the right and to the left that I Stand with the Light.

Yes. I Stand with the Light. I trust the earthly rite.

It is done. So mote it be, and so it is.

Unsullied grace

Thankful

For

Everything

My life

My trials

My breath

I may not be truly grateful

Courting the idea of earthly death

Though I wish to be sincere

As I speak my words of thanks

I cannot help but feel alone

As I traverse the human ranks

I hope there is a purpose

I pray there is a rhyme

I wonder why I cannot see

That I am surrounded by the Divine

I Give Thanks for Everything

I thank My Soul for unknown grace

I rest in the arms of the One I Am

I see my eyes in every face

I feel great apathy

I wonder what is being accomplished

Then I ask myself, where would you rather be?

What would you rather be doing?

I have no answer.

Trust this experience

Mistakes are human illusion

Sink into Karen's existence

It is the key to Divine Reunion

Once and for all

Decide to trust the day

Your dreams are your great compass

Grace is the only way

And grace cannot be manhandled

Manipulated

Polluted

The gift of grace

Arrives

When the dreamer is saluted

So welcome to day, Dreamer

Help this actor to take flight

Throw away the script of day

She becomes the Karen of the Night.

Superior, not Inferior

Enough

How many people did my pain affect?

How many people did my love protect?

How many people did my life heal?

How much time did I waste wondering what is real?

Wrap me in your colors Soul

Rock me in your arms

Teach me the dance of the I Am

Permeate me with your charms

Let us not be strangers

Reunite

Let's be one

I know that merging with the one I Am

Is the true second coming of the Son

So help me to surrender

Release my human lack

Pirouette, wrap me in your ribbons

Permeate each and every crack

Remake me

Remake me

Remake me

Join together what has been cleaved

May this be the day that a new being

That true Oneness is conceived

Thankful

Full of thanks

Thankful

Grateful

Trusting

Believing

Uniting

Releasing

Remaking

Integrating

Allowing

Marrying the Day and the Night

Bridging the Veil without Sight

Declaring there is no need to Fight

It is time for each human to take flight

I Am the Light

As Never Before

That I Am Now

And so it is

I Am the Light

The Light I Am

A Prayer to Come Back to Soul

The journey back to divinity is a solitary experience. This is the loneliness that I feel--not one of companionship, but one of isolated experience. I am playing the game of humanity, while trying to come back to my Soul. This is hard to support, for the evidence of Being a Divine Being is hiding behind the pain of the masses combined separation.

I Am of the masses. I Am The Divinity of One. The ultimate paradox. I Am here to marry the two, but the roadmap eludes me, and then I know, I know!, that I Am here to devise the way. The ultimate cartographer discerning cycles of abuse, peeking through the smoke and mirrors of lies and lack, and planting her foot down one step at a time, trying to believe each step is supported by unseen helpers.

The doubt creeps in. Surely she is being dramatic--she has very little evidence that the "more" she senses is real and true. An orb here, a tingle there, a dream--insubstantial stuff, dreams. But to not believe isn't fulfilling either. The sense that she knows a bit too much to go back permeates her mind. Stuck in the quagmire of human lack and human potential--quicksand both, for there is no manhandling, no striving--none of the stuff the human has been taught to do and be works on this journey back to Soul. The journey isn't one of action, but observation. The mind is to be used as a witness, not a judge, not an executioner.

Soul, come back to me. I pray, I pray, I pray to remember how to pray. I yearn for you--I don't know how to find you. How can I make more room? I know the Creator is in me--please, please, please Grace, come to me so I may have faith in the Creator. Surely I Am not alone.

I call upon my unseen helpers. I do not mean to be dramatic, but I call upon you for help and guidance. In this separated state, I Am ill. I seek guidance. I seek direction. I seek softness. I seek wisdom. I seek self-control. I don't know how to open myself up for more Grace. Break me open. Create crevices for every Fruit of the Spirit to seep--not just for me, not just for me!, but for all of the ones who dwell on this earth. Wake us up, Creator. I desire to be reacquainted with the One Who I Am.

What do I need to do? And I know, I know! the answer is nothing. Doing is the lie of separateness.

I Am here. I sense there is Beauty in this Pain. I trust that I have not been given an impossible task. I believe that I Am not alone. I release my need for evidence that I Am safe, loved, cared for, and protected.

I beseech every Divine Being able to share Grace and Divine Gifts with me, to come to me now and stay with me always, sharing the Love and Wisdom of the One who made me.

I Am not alone. Something good will come of this.

I have amnesia, and this is right and good.

Amen.

So mote it be, and so it is.

And this is Spirit's answer from Richard Rohr

First, “take God at face value, as God is. Accept God’s good graciousness, as you would a plain, simple soft compress when sick. Take hold of God and press God against your unhealthy self, just as you are.” 

Second, know how your mind and ego play their games: “Stop analyzing yourself or God. You can do without wasting so much of your energy deciding if something is good or bad, grace given or temperament driven, divine or human.” 

Third, be encouraged and “Offer up your simple naked being to the joyful being of God, for you two are one in grace, although separate by nature.” 

And finally: “Don’t focus on what you are, but simply that you are! How hopelessly stupid would a person have to be if they could not realize that they simply are.”  

Hold the soft warm compress of these loving words against your bodily self, bypass the mind and even the affections of the heart and forgo any analysis of what you are, or are not. 

“Simply that you are!” 

I like this practice because over time it can become an embodied experience of what we’ve been talking about this whole week: knowing and unknowing. By repeatedly placing whatever it is you think you “know” at that hour of the night under “the soft warm compress” of God’s loving presence, your own body becomes a place of relaxation and inner rest. You know that you don’t know, and you trust that you don’t need to know. You are simply in God’s loving care.  

Placebo

 I bring my focus to the Placebo Effect

I seek Wisdom

I court Grace

I look to the man who walked on water

The one who promises we win the race

And now I think of the tangible

The things and stuff of form

The wine that turned into water

Mary’s knowing her son could transform

The matter of this world

Not as permanent as once assumed

The raising of dead Lazzarus

The stone rolled from a Savior’s tomb

Physical, tangible reality

Suddenly appears to be a lie

Two men raised from the dead

Makes me wonder if we die

Or perhaps we’ve formed the habit

Of our ancestors before us

And forget we had a Jesus

Who sang a different chorus

Did Jack need the beans to create his world

Or did his belief in the magic create his world

Belief

The woman touched Jesus’s garment

And healed

Transformation

By 

Intention

Not 

Information

Where Am I in this??

Come to me Grace.

I seek counsel

Come to me wisdom

I grasp at the edges of my mind

There is not a magic word

There is not a magic potion

It simply takes belief

To put a new reality into motion

A pill that promises health

Is a vehicle out of pain

Beans that promise riches

Lead to the ability to gain.

But Jesus walked on water

And Peter followed suit

So perhaps questioning placebo

Will expose a brand new route

Out of the tangible tired world

You and I both know

Let’s contemplate placebo

And see what stalks we grow

For I for one am tired

Of being limited and in fear

Transubstantiation

For I for one am tired

Of being separate and inferior

Jesus is my friend

I love Him

He loves me

He says that I have time

But I so want to be free

Change my focus, Brother

Bring me more into my heart

I dream I find a way

To get us closer

To our start

Change my focus Brother

Inspire and renew

The way I see the Spirit

The legacy of You.

Jesus Speaks to Me

 Is there such a thing as parent abuse?

Is there a group for that?

A fundraiser?

Does anyone think about raising awareness for this closet-cause?

My children know better and could choose better. They actively choose not to choose.

They go about the world model citizens—winning institutional awards as they play the human game.

Master snow makers—the inventors of smoke and mirrors.

At home, they throw their energy around like detonated handgranades—revelling in their power to cause harm and pain.

You win, I say. I raise the white flag and concede that their energy will always devour mine. The mine-field of our family theirs to arm and detonate. I hate this war. I do not feel like I was made for this, yet here I Am, embroiled in a power struggle that I cannot escape.

What Am I here to learn?

Where is the lesson in this brutal play?

I really want to know.

I desire so much to see this clearly.

I would clear this for the collective if I could.

Heal this if I Am able.

I cannot choose for anyone but myself.

What can I choose to make this dynamic new?

The fighting

The body shaming

The physical violence

The role of victim

The closed-minded mentality

The volume of voice

The angry, ugly words

I don’t know what to do. I Am at a loss. I have not courted this. I have not fostered this. I do not feel as if I Am to blame for this.

Is that the problem? That I do not accept this as my fault? My sin?

I know and understand that I avoid confrontation to keep my own self safe, and that I try very hard to achieve peace and harmony for my own benefit.

This penchant persists in my parenting.

How to heal? What to shine light upon? What action to take? 

I Am abused by my children. They abuse me. Where is my social worker? Where is my adult advocate? 

Jesus, we abused you. We, your children, place you upon a cross. And while abandoned and alone, you asked why you were forsaken, and in the same moment, begged forgiveness for us, claiming we did not know what we did.

And if, as I have come to believe, we are all living a unique and personal aspect of the resurrection, what Am I to call out in this moment? How can I set us all free? What wisdom can be found in this circumstance? 

I do not deserve this, but what of it?

None of us deserve any one thing, deemed good or bad by faulty human logic.

The human would tell me, “This is no-thing. How dare you equate family squabbles with true pain and horror-filled humanity?” I say it is this faulty thinking that has kept us chained to victimhood and little progress. 

Beseech Beseech Beseech the wisdom holders! How to move up the stair? This does matter. This is integral. I will not be ashamed of desiring this hurt to heal, as if it is low on the hierarchy of what deserves or warrants grace! Lies! When grace is unasked because the seeker feels it is not warranted, something that is deemed warranted is sure to be born! Is that what we want? Greater hardships and hurts that make us feel worthy of the right to court the miracle???

No! I say No! On behalf of the Totality of the Now I say that each and every hurt deserves Healing Light and Love. There is no-thing exempt! 

Jesus did not court the cross! He did not relish death. He felt forsaken. Our Jesus experienced separateness and humanness and lack of grace as he hung on the cross. He didn’t hate his oppressors, but he also didn’t say he deserved the punishment. 

What lesson should I take from this, Friend?

Again, I Am missing a wisdom.

Is it that I too should not stop my oppressors? Have them use me as a tool? I do not want to teach them impotence and shame and unworthiness, which is what the world did with your gift. 

Again I think of the Stump in The Giving Tree, and the Trough, Boat, and Beams of The Three Trees.

Are you satisfied with being a stump, Jesus???

I wept when Lazarus died. I wept, Karen.

Can you guess why?

Because the gift of life on earth has yet to be realized as the power it is. Everything can be changed in this realm, and so little of this power is utitlized. If you want something to be changed, go into your dreams, your little death, and change what is there. You have already done so much, Sweet Karen. You have apologized to someone you found in life deplorable, you have recognized a limiting belief that you chose not to adopt, you have had blind faith that you are safe, loved, cared for and protected, you have declared that you are Light, you have resisted the temptation to indulge in others’ opinions of you, you learned discernment in seeing the Trickster and so very much more that you don’t recall. Karen, you have moved mountains as you bridge the earthly world and the dream realms and you are creating new ways of existing as you weave your thread into the fabric of the worlds. 

It is time for you to know and actively use your power. Be purposeful as you dream a new way into being. Change parenting in your dreams, and see it manifest in your daily life. How do you desire it to look? You are living your best Karen independent of the group, how can that merge into the collective? Can you believe you are the orchestrator of your destiny? 

I brought Lazarus back because I desired to have him in my earthly world. I wanted his presence, so I created that in my reality. You can, and must!, do this too. 

Thank you for seeing me as I Am, Karen. Thank you for having the courage to embrace the man in me, to unleash the God in you. That is all I ever have desired, for us all to be reunited in the One that we are, Whole in Love, and not separate in a false hierarchy of human construction.

Exit and Exist in your dreams. Refashion and renew the fabric of the world. This is your gift, your destiny, and your price that you too willingly pay for the resurrection of the One that Is.

Go now in peace to love and serve the Lord.

It is done.

So mote it be

And so it is.

Everything is Real

The words flow and I Am the River

Though I know not what the words mean

Understanding is the plague of human existence

Not knowing is the key to the unseen

Releasing the need for understanding

Letting interpretation and knowledge fall away

Uncovers the innate and powerful wisdom

From which humanity has been led astray

Every fear is rooted in the need to know

Every limiting belief will keep you in the fear

Break free and believe you are eternal

Embrace the faces that appear in every mirror

Chime and chant a new way of being

Dream and draw a new way to see

Unlock the mind that stops at being human

Integrate the Now and completely BE

Uncomplicate what your world has complicated

Untie the knots your thoughts have created in your mind

Feel the energy flow throughout your body

Breathe God’s rhythm, Live the rhyme

Look to the words found in the nursery

Catch the coincidences and connect the dots

Remember childhood hurts

and misunderstandings

Your life has a loving theme and purpose-plot

Tip tap

Crick crackle

Rum tum tum

Never discount the power of sound and rasp of voice

Perhaps you release the need for understanding

When you allow the vibration of nonsense in as a choice

Bow to no one

Bow for everyone

Honor existence

Sing your song

And pound out a new and intricate criss-cross rhyme

Create a pathway that never existed

Follow it,

and exit time

You are not alone

But that does not matter

Each thread in the tapestry 

Woven and will reveal

One is of earth

one of metal

One of fire

You are the breath of life

Everything is real.

Judge Not!

 Such a strange thing to Seek to be judged--to crave it. See me, See me, See me. I don't want this, yet some internal compass puts me in the path of those who disapprove of how I am showing up. Can I detach and revel in  thoughts and expressions of others knowing that all is exactly as it should be? For everything is in Divine Order-that one thing I know for sure. 

I had a dream where I put on an entire play with my fellow actors--we took it so seriously and strove for perfection. At the end of the performance, I looked out and realized there was no audience--the entire theater was empty.

There is no audience, of course, in this holographic experience. There is no judge and jury and five-star review. There is existence and experience and knowing. That is All.

Judge not lest you be judged. 

Karen, quit judging this character you are charged to play, and PLAY! 

I have a sneaking suspicion that Jesus  is telling us to not judge our own Self. Stop berating and striving and chasing a perfect Karen and Exist As Perfection. The second I let go of my opinions about Me will be the very same second I quit seeking other people's acknowledgement. The moment I accept how I Am showing up, is the moment that I see the I Am in everyone I meet.

There is no audience.

There is no audience.

There is no audience.

Exist. Live. Revel. Rejoice.

And Know That I Am God.

Alone

 

The mantra "I AM that I AM" totally changed its meaning as I changed the inflection on the word That. Now, I understand, I Am THAT I Am. As in, we are One. No one is above or below or ahead or behind or anything. There is nothing else I could be, because nothing else exists.

The ideas that 'I am the Ocean in a Drop' and that we are 'Co-Creators of our Experience' and that 'Our Thoughts Create our Reality' always confused me since I couldn't understand how I could influence the people around me. I could see where My Perceptions could Change My Reality, but how could I have influence on others' experience? Aren't we all our own sentient being with our own soul and spirit and path? I would contemplate "We are One, each a piece of the All," and knew that to be true through my empathetic experiences: my heart races for my friend in California; I pull in a life-saving breath as my friend texts the word Breathe, and countless countless countless more synchronicity in dreams that solidified this truth for me. Yet, the contradictory nature of One and Separate hurt my human mind.

When I changed the inflection of "that," I finally understood that there is no mysterious being out there giving and taking and rewarding and punishing and Lording Over All. I AM is the director of this play and Karen is starring in it. I AM is showing up as Karen, and it is through the character Karen that the I AM is experiencing choices and emotions and life and death and every polarity that exists. 

And that made me feel alone.

On one hand, I wish to see through the illusion, but on the other, if I dare to believe that I am the Director and Writer and Producer and every Actor of this play, that leaves me as One. It is difficult to be One when I once knew We Were Many. Is it worth my time to talk to Angels? Is it worth my effort to share my ideas and hopes and discoveries? 

It would behoove me to play this script full-out. I AM still grasping at something that is just beyond my fingertips. My Experience tells me, I will have it in hand in perfect timing. Genius is in eternal patience--I should know, I told myself that once in a fortune cookie.

As understanding creeps upon me, I see that alone and all-one are the same thing. Ride the Wave, Throw Your Head Up in the Air, and Shoot Magic out of your Fingertips. Thanks ME. I needed that.

This realization has stripped the role of victim from me, and I find I want it back. If life isn't happening to me, but through me, what excuse do I have for fear and smallness and pain and despair. If I Am the author of my existence, then I lose my right to rail against the vagaries of life. 

Is this what is meant by an existential  crisis? Is it nothing more than a craving for the chains that bind you to impotency? 

I ask myself, why do I fear freedom?

For now I accept that I prefer to be a bird in a cage. I don't want to prefer that. Perhaps that will make all the difference.

Row Your Boat Gently

 I Have a Dream

If life is “but a dream”

As the nursery rhyme suggests

I wonder how many lives I’ve lived

How many characters have I dressed?

Could I have been you?

And you been me?

Could the boat I now row

Once been yours?

As I ponder the strangeness of life

I wonder 

What if our boats share the same oars?

And then I ponder further

If our boats are one and the same

How could I possibly hate you

If we are interchangeable characters in a game?

I row my boat 

Gently

Merrily down the stream

I row my boat

Gently

And remember Martin Luther King’s dream

And I smile at the other people

Gripping their oars so tight

The more I know I am you

The more I know I am right.

So row your boat gently, Friend

And remember as you dream

We may each appear a different rower

But the truth is we maneuver the same stream.

Poems and Dreams

Giraffes symbolizes Ascension

And I dream of a giraffe in a boat

Me and another dream character

Trying to keep everything afloat

I tell her to start the motor

I so want to maneuver the waves

Take charge of our destiny, Dreamer

Charting courses for the lives that we save.

I also dream of an old car

It rolls backwards, out of control

I press the brake pedal with my hands

Is this the way to maneuver the Soul?

For clearly the journey is the story

The vehicles of movement you and me

Motor and brake our fear and courage

What will it take to set the human free?

Traffic signs are there to keep us safe

At least that is what we are told

Is there a way to traverse the universe

Is there a different path for the brave and the bold?

For that is the path that I glimpse

When I dare to wake up in my dream

I know in my bones that we are powerful

When we flow gently down our life's stream.